It wasn't long ago that I caught myself driving home from work, wondering what happened.
I was stuck in rush hour traffic on 281. I wasn't exactly happy to be there. I'd spent the day rushing from one fire to the next, racing to close enough sales to keep my job and occasionally glancing out the window at the gorgeous summer day playing over downtown San Antonio.
And as I inched forward around the curves in the road through Olmos Park I realized I'd become a classic 9-5er. My next thought was "how did this happen?"
My next thought was meant to reassure me "at least I enjoy what I do!"
The problem is that I didn't really enjoy my life...
I have been taught for years to find the happiness where you are, to focus on the good things in life. So I did.
By doing so, I convinced myself for years that I was happy while my life was slowly spiraling out of control.
I wasn't out of control in any of the traditional senses. No drugs or alcohol. No wild partying.
But I had no control over my life, my future, my work, my place at work. I kept telling myself that if I played the corporate games, I would make it up the corporate ladder and get where I wanted to go.
It took a couple of drastic actions by the company I was working for...
...to snap me out of my trance.
I came home from work in tears two to three nights a week from frustrations at the office.
They cut my paycheck.
They cut my job description.
They fired and hired bosses like some people drink water after a marathon.
I was working 14 hour days, five days a week and making pennies on the dollar compared to what I'd been making previously.
So two years ago I made a decision...
I decided that I was going to own my life. I was going to be in charge of my own happiness and I was going to be the only person I could hold accountable for whether or not I liked my life.
I took advantage of an incredible opportunity being offered to me to become a sales trainer and launched my own company. I hired a coach and kick-started creating the life I'd been dreaming off as an impossible reality for years.
Today I realized how lucky I am once again!
We spent the weekend in the backyard planting trees and flowers and all kinds of homey touches and today I brought my lunch out to the bistro table and sat down to watch the sun dance on the grass, the breeze rustle the branches and gently ding the wind chimes against themselves. I keep listening to the birds and the crickets, watch a hummingbird at the feeder or a butterfly flit-by, know the amount of money sitting in my bank account as I sit here enjoying life and am humbled.
It's not been easy...
I've thought about quitting. I've worked longer hours than I ever worked for my corporate job. I've been ready to cut ties and go back to the easy job of working for someone else more times than I can count.
I've wondered where funds were coming from to pay bills, and been too caught up in working to remember to glance out my window at the gorgeous afternoon before me.
But I get these glimpses and reminders more and more often and realize that it all stemmed from a single decision:
I own my life and the results, or lack-there-of, can be attributed to no one but myself.
How about you?